A Participation Trophy that Counts

GoofBoy won a trophy. He was named "Runner of the Meet" at his last track meet. He is absurdly proud, and he should be. No question there has been an absurd proliferation of trophies for participation. A couple seasons of rec-league soccer running randomly up and down the field will garner enough trophies to make a kid's room look like Yankee Stadium. I was that kid - I was always far away from the ball - sometimes by design, more often by sheer cluelessness. But not GoofBoy - he really participates.  He may not excel, but if he is on a team he really wants to play.  This is good, because he has been on some terrible teams - but he doesn't mind as long as he gets to play.  I was also on terrible teams, but I didn't want to play because that increased the chance of me being hit in the head by a ball.  I did hope, through careful observation, to develop stratagems by which my terrible teams would be transformed into world-beaters.  Sometimes I would outline my plans in great detail.  The coaches always appreciated this.

In athletics, and hopefully most everything, GoofBoy is not me, he likes practice and, whatever the sport, he is in position and doing everything right.  He has really taken to track.  We go out on runs together.  I get winded keeping up with him.  He cruises through two miles and turns to catch and pass me at one and a half miles.  He is by no means the fastest kid, usually he is in the middle of the pack.  But a participation trophy in track is no self-esteem bauble.  Being on the team means running at least 15 miles a week - so even the slowest person on the team is doing something pretty demanding.

GoofBoy is really proud of this trophy and so am I - he earned it.

GoofGirl's Gift

3C had a birthday party recently.  GoofGirl attended, of course, but did not want Carpool Gal to feel left out (there is now a decent working arrangement between the three of them in which they can all play together or pair as seems fit - the Byzantine Empire muddled through for centuries, so why not...)

So, GoofGirl decided to write Carpool Gal a book.  The book is about the Carpool Clan's dog Declan who GoofGirl initially feared and now loves.  It was a pretty funny book, so - with GoofGirl's permission - I've shared it here. Like most great works (Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Back to the Future, and Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man) it is a trilogy.


Part 1


Part 2


Part 3

Getting my Jokes

I lead my life like a self-aware character in a sitcom who occasionally steps out of his role and addresses an invisible crowd.  I am sharing a series of long complex jokes between myself and this imaginary audience.  I recognize this is very weird, and perhaps this blog does a bit to normalize things.

As a consequence, my conversations with my children are peppered with references to things they cannot possibly get.  They don't ask me to explain, possibly because I make it so boring or they have just gotten used to me.

We recently saw the movie Parental Guidance.  Without giving anything away the radio broadcast of the shot heard round the world from the 1951 Dodgers-Giants playoff figures prominently in the movie.  Going into the bottom of the ninth, Giant Bobby Thomson hits a homerun to win the game for his team, it is a big upset and announcer Russ Hodges yells excitedly, "THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT! THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT!" (Here's a link to the clip.)

I am in the habit of yelling that whenever the little Goofs accomplish anything.  For example:

"Dad, I got an 87% on my math test."

"THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT! THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT!"

I also tend to yell it when I beat GoofBoy at Risk (let me correct that, the one time I beat GoofBoy at Risk.)

After seeing Parental Guidance GoofBoy said, "So that's why you are always yelling that thing about the Giants!"

Recently GoofBoy was home sick and, thanks to AmazonPrime, he began working his way through the old Star Treks.  He watched the episode The Gamesters of Triskelion, in which Captain Kirk is forced to fight aliens in an arena. While he battles in the arena some distinctive dramatic music plays and one of the alien spectators says to another, "I'll wager 300 qatloos on the newcomer."  This clip from the Simpsons pretty much covers it.

After seeing the episode, GoofBoy turned to MamaGoof in wonder, "So that's why Daddy always starts humming that music before we wrestle!  And that's why, whenever I start battling my sister he says the thing about the Qatloos."

I know it isn't age appropriate, but I really want to be there with them when they see Silence of the Lambs and realize the reference I was making when, during bath-time, I urged them to apply lotion.

I may not be a very good person, but I hope my imaginary audience is enjoying the show.

How to Talk about the Petraeus Affair with Your Children

As we watched the inauguration, as Obama, Biden and their wives prepared to review the troops, GoofGirl asked, "Who's that?" referring to the uniformed figure accompanying them.

"That's the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff," I answered.

"He's a four-star general?" GoofBoy asked.

"That's right."

"Wasn't Petraeus a four-star general?"

"He was, he still is but he's retired," I explained.

"Wasn't there a controversy with him?" GoofBoy asked.

Uh-oh.

"Yes, he was having an affair," I answered neutrally.

No more questions please...

"What's an affair?" GoofBoy asked.

"He was married and dating a woman who wasn't his wife," I stated, carefully.

"That's bad," GoofBoy answered.

Phew.

"Daddy," GoofGirl "Are you having an affair?"

Huh?

"No, of course not, I love mommy, why do you think that?"

"You are always talking about going to lunch with people and a lot of them are women.  And you talk to them messages on Facebook. So are you dating them?"

Okay, got it.

"But mi nina, I tell mommy about all of that.  I'm not hiding it from her, these are just friends.  Do you understand?"

Ugh, shouldn't have ended with the question, now she'll want to know more.

"I understand, but Daddy, I don't think you should tell mommy about all of it."

Why?

"Why?"

"Because mommy thinks it's all pretty boring."

Ravens Win Inspires Goofy Pink & Purple Dance

GoofBoy and CarpoolBuddy were so ecstatic that the Ravens won that they quite literally danced with joy.

By the way, this is the thing they were dancing to (it has 3 million hits on YouTube):



When dropping off CarpoolBuddy, I told CarpoolDad how relieved I was that the Ravens had won, that I could not have handled the GoofBoy's depths of despair (last year, after the missed field goal, he tried to start a new life under the dining room table.)

CarpoolDad observed that now the stakes are even higher, so if the Ravens lose he will be even more upset than he was last year.

"Oh no, I'm sure my son will be philosophical about it if the Ravens were to lose in the SuperBowl.  He'd recognize that even making it to the SuperBowl is such an honor and that they had such a great season that it wouldn't bother him so much."

Then we both had a good, long laugh.

Watership Down Review: A Bunny Tail with Meat

"Hey guys, want to listen to a story about bunnies?" I asked the Little Goofs.

They agreed and we started listening to Watership Down.

I had read it when I was in 7th grade, just a year older than GoofBoy and had liked it.

But, unsurprisingly, I didn't realize what an incredible work it was.  It is the story of a band of rabbits who, following a premonition that something bad was going to happen, leave their warren and set off to found a new one.  On the way they have many adventures dealing with other animals, people, nature, and other communities of rabbits.

The rabbits have a society, but they are still rabbits.  When a bird tells them about the ocean they cannot conceive of it and the concept of a boat is a profound innovation.  They have no understanding of what human beings do and their numerals are one, two, three, four, and a great many.

What I did not appreciate when I was 12 was how the author, Richard Adams, creates a rabbit mythology and world that absorbs the reader.  The rabbits tell each other stories about their great hero El-ahrairah who through cunning and tricks always bests the elil (enemies of rabbits.)  These stories inspire the rabbits to develop clever solutions to their own challenges throughout the story.  The addition of a rabbit vocabulary really brought the story to life.  At one point, when GoofBoy was hungry he announced, "Dad, can I silflay (lapine for "to feed outside")?

GoofGirl joined in, "Dad, I need to make hraka (droppings)."

And we began referring to the motor vehicles by the rabbit term, "hrududu."

The whole book serves as an allegory about politics and society.  At the heart of the rabbits' struggle was their conflict with a bigger warren of rabbits run by the tyrannical General Woundwort - an enormous and strong rabbit.  The attitudes of the rabbits under his rule bring to life how totalitarianism works and shapes lives and feelings.

The characters are sharply drawn and engaging.  GoofBoy and I have had several debates about the virtues of Bigwig and Captain Holly - a pair of brave rabbit heroes.  The action scenes are exciting.  During the giant battle at the end, GoofBoy could hardly sit still.  I mentioned to GoofBoy that Adams, like so many men of his generation had served in World War II and this informed his presentation of the action.  In fact, Adams says that several of the main characters are based on his comrades from his squadron during the war.

One downside was that it might have been just a bit over GoofGirl's head.  She certainly got parts of it, and she complained about not understanding the reader's English accent (although she had no trouble with Jim Dale, the reader of the Harry Potter series.)  So be it, Watership Down is a challenging book.  A bunny story for almost all ages.