Dinner with the Boys

“Dad, no Jedi would have a chance against Wolverine, he regenerates!” GoofBoy asserted at dinner.

“A Jedi could just cut his head off. You can’t regenerate a head,” I retorted.

“Light sabers can’t cut adamantium and Wolverine has it through his whole body.”

“I don’t know where you get that, but even if it’s true, what if a Jedi used the Force to hold Wolverine upside-down in the air and held the light saber at his throat.”

“But it couldn’t cut adamantium!”

“The Jedi wouldn’t try to cut off Wolverine’s head. He would just poke the light saber into Wolverine’s trachea…”

“Enough,” Mama Goof intervened, “We are eating dinner.”

“Yeah, and anyway a Jedi wouldn’t do that, it is against their code.”

“Fine, a Sith Lord vs. Wolverine. Forget it, Voldemort vs. Wolverine.”

“Wolverine would tear him apart,” GoofBoy answered confidently.

“Voldemort would just do avada kedavra, you can’t regenerate against that! What is with you and Wolverine, anyway?”

“Fine! Incredible Hulk vs. Grawp?” GoofBoy posed.

“Good one,” I admitted. “I don’t know. They are both really big and strong. Both have serious self-control issues. A draw I guess. Hey, what about Neville Longbottom vs. Bart Simpson?”

“Bart Simpson in a second, Neville can’t cast a spell right. Bart would run circles around him on his skateboard. Neville would get dizzy and fall over.”

“Could we please talk about something interesting for girls!” GoofGirl demanded.

“OK,” GoofBoy was game, “There are lots of girl super-heroes. Wonder Woman vs. Mystique?”

My eyes grew wide and I gulped, “Everyone would win!”

“That’s ENOUGH!” Mama Goof exclaimed, rolling her eyes at me, “The women of the house would like to have a normal conversation.”

She gestured and GoofGirl had the floor.

GoofBoy and I turned to look at her and she began, “Ramona Quimby vs. Anne of Green Gables?”

“Fighting?” GoofBoy asked incredulously.

“No, who would out-talk the other?”

“Good one…” her brother nodded.

MamaGoof sadly put her head in her hands.