Tuesday, November 06, 2012

President Goof

With all of the talk of the election, GoofGirl asked me a big question, "Daddy, what would you do if you were President?"

"I would cry. It is a really hard job and I don't want it!"

"But really, Daddy, what would you do?"

So I laid out my platorm:

1. I would outlaw the term Chilean Sea Bass and force these succulent fish to be called by their original name, the Patagonian Toothfish. I would deploy the full firepower of the United States Navy to ensure that they were not overfished and that I could eat it whenever I wanted.

2. I would bomb Iceland to the Stone Age. There are two reasons for this: trolls and everyone who has every played Risk knows that Iceland is the key to North America.

3. I would adopt the laws of Singapore towards chewing gum. Outlaw it and apply corporal punishment, and if that didn't work I would threaten warrant officer punishment.

4. I would fire nuclear missiles at the moon to deter any aliens thinking about invading. Sometimes the best defense is a good offense and we should let the little green men know that maybe we were just a little crazy.

5. I would bring back the Siesta, a mid-day drink around noon followed by a big two hour nap. Spain would be out closest ally and our two countries would be up late every night dancing, eating tapas, and playing dominos.

"Really Daddy? Nothing about the children, about money for schools or the homeless?" GoofGirl rolled her eyes, "You talk about politics all the time and all you want to really do is protect some freaky looking fish?"

What a sweet girl, she has principles.

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