Tuesday, August 09, 2011

GoofBoy's Take on Ocean City

GoofBoy has been begging for a "rebuttal" space on ForFathersOnly, so I have relented. Here is his take on our recent Ocean City trip. I'm not sure if this is a good idea, but it works for Bil Keane (little Billy must be in his sixties by now).

Finally my weak dad gives into giving me some space on his blog.

The sad truth is that my dad is going to show a feat of strength by strangling me and yelling “Am I weak now well AM I!?!?” while I pass out.

The Beach
OK so this week we’re in Ocean City. When we go to the beach or pool kids think, “Yay!!! We’re going to have fun.”

Dad thinks, “I’m going to have a lot of fun nah I’ll relax.”

And mom thinks, “I’m going to relax… AHHHHHHH what is my family doing? Are my kids hurt?”
I’m going to make it worse for parents with a few beach troubles. Here they are:

1. Kid falls in hidden sand pit.

2. Kid gets stuck in his/her own sand pit while digging dad groans and lifts 90 pound 10 year old kid out of pit.

3. Kid trips in inch high water then buries face in sand on purpose.

4. Kid builds sand castle only to watch it be destroyed and so on until it is time to go to the hotel.

5. Kid gets lost parents run around beach only to find kid in own five-foot hole with shovel stuck in the side, dad groans and lifts kid out again.

6. Kid opens eyes and plunges face into salt water takes head out screaming “ IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!”

If you are at the beach you have to go to the boardwalk. Here’s what kids think, “Yay daddy give me money I get tickets then get plastic prize then if I need more money for tickets I beg and cry and daddy give me more money.”

Dads think, “I give my children a fortune to play games then get paper tickets while I starve. Then they get a prize I could get at the dollar store, then it breaks and the kids beg and cry and I give them more money. The worst part is that I waste three months worth of money, and instead of giving them my money I could have been wasting my money on good beers mmmmmmm beer…”

I think my dad is Homer Simpson.

The Pool
The next topic is the pool. I had the worst day there, even with no one drowning, dying, brother kicking brother, or violence - well maybe a little violence. It starts by putting sunscreen on an old person back that you don’t even know. Then someone tricks you into jumping into freezing cold pool water. After mumbling a bit you try to relax but a teenager that looks like he’s 5 foot 10 and 250 pounds jumps into the pool right next to you. Finally you find peace and quiet sunbathing but some kids have a huge water fight and you get drenched and leave.

In Ocean City I went fishing a lot so I made up worst five things that can happen while going fishing.

1. Some knucklehead gets a hook stuck in your finger.

2. Some fish bites off all the bait on your hook without getting caught.

3. You’re in the middle of the ocean with nothing to do for seven hours.

4. Some crazy guy eats all your bait.

5. You eat all your bait on the trip to the middle of the Ocean.

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