Saturday, December 10, 2005

Breastfeeding FAQs for Men

Men have always been fascinated by breastfeeding - probably because it involves breasts.

But the things men really want to know about it are rarely addressed, here is a modest attempt to rectify this failing.

Sometimes when I hold the baby, it snuggles up against my chest. So what would it be like if I let the baby latch on?

I avoided this temptation myself, but my friend Milton says it hurts like hell. As it happens Milton is virtually hairless. Many of the rest of us would face the additional excruciating pain of having a hair caught in the mini-shop vac that is a feeding infant. This could be why our creator did not give us the ability to breastfeed. This could also be bad for the baby. You know how much you hate to find a hair in your food - imagine the psychological damage done to a baby that encounters this unpleasantness so early in life.)

What does breast milk taste like?

This is a legitimate question. Mothers and infants are very stingy about sharing so dads rarely get a chance to try. Anyway, Milton tells me that it is kind of watery and tasteless. Hardly worth the effort. (Although Milton may have had another agenda.)

Your friend Milton sounds like an odd guy?

Actually it is two different Miltons.

Are all guys named Milton weird?

Based on my survey (sample size 2) - yes.

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