Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Three Things A Dad Needs

There are three things a father should have.

First, a minivan. Yes, they are dorky. Yes, they are a concession to the end of your youth and a sad acceptance of the inevitability of change, age, and ultimately death. They are also super convenient. First, you can haul stuff in them. They have high ceilings so that strapping kids into and taking them out of car seats is much easier. This is more important than you might think, car seats will annoy you, but any attempt to transport your children without them will land you in a federal penitentiary. But, finally, a minivan, unlike a car, is a good emergency playground. Kids will love climbing around on the chairs and running around in the back. Can't imagine you will ever be so desperate to try this - trust me, you will.

Minivan a little pricey. Here are two inexpensive, but essential items.

Laser pointer - you know how the cat will chase the red spot made by a laser pointer. So will kids, the difference is the cat gets bored after 10-15 minutes. Also, if you take the kids outside at night you can flash the laser pointer and tell the kids that they are seeing the extremely rare red firefly.

Nerf ball - you and your kid will, inevitably, want to play catch. For the first several years of your child's life they will not be remotely competent to play catch. However, the kid will get a kick out of chasing the ball around. With a nerf ball you can throw the ball directly at your child's head. You will find this very satisfying. This does not make you a bad person.

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