I will fear no evil: for Nerf art with me

Sunday afternoon, a bit before Ravens kickoff, I was working quietly in my office when he came in.

“Dad, Nerf Gun fight or bamboo stick battle?”

Apparently the option of being left alone wasn’t on the table.

We went outside, he took pity on me and gave me the multi-shot Nerf gun. He underestimated my resolve. Rather then half-heartedly shooting and then submitting to his response barrage I engaged. I chase, and when I was out of ammo I ran. I climbed up the play-set, hid behind trees, and Matrix-style dodged his Nerf shots.

GoofBoy laughed so hard at my exertions that he fell down.

I channeled my inner Jules from Pulp Fiction (warning – the linked clip has some nasty language) and began marching toward the prone Goof, firing remorselessly and reciting the 23rd Psalm:

1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

I stood over him, firing Nerf darts execution-style as my son lay on the ground, convulsed with laughter.

Then we whacked each other with bamboo sticks.

That evening, MamaGoof brought out the toy catalogues and asked what they wanted for Hanukah. GoofBoy talked about Legos and a guitar, but his eyes kept shifting back to the Nerf Guns.

The technology now available is astounding. There are Nerf gatling guns, sniper rifles with laser scopes, and multi-shot semi-automatic Nerf weapons (not sure if I like them since they don’t have the satisfying click when they are cocked.)

He didn’t want to ask for one. But he looked up with resolve, “Dad, maybe we could save our money and buy the big Nerf rifles?”

“Buddy, I have a credit card. I could go to Target right now and buy all the Nerf guns.”

“Really, I thought your credit card was only for coffeeshops.”

That made me glad I had vanquished him that afternoon.