Halloween is too Scary

On Halloween night MamaGoof and GoofBoy stayed up late to watch Monday Night Football. But MamaGoof loves her horror flicks so she kept switching over to Halloween.

I think she was hoping for some company. I can’t watch horror movies because I find the genre derivative and pedestrian. Because life is too short, I could be watching Fellini. Because…

I get scared.

How scared?

Just going to the Halloween Movies website freaked me out. I watched some of Halloween 3, which objectively is an abominably stupid movie and not scary, with Mama Goof. I had nightmares. (I had to have her find me the link to the movie because I was afraid to go to the site again.)

I already find the real world terrifying enough; I don’t need to contemplate a whole parallel world of evil that seeps into our own.

But watching horror movies alone is no fun, so MamaGoof hoped that maybe GoofBoy could be her horror-buddy. (GoofGirl is too young, but based on her obsession with Scooby-Doo and skeletons there is hope.)

Unfortunately for MamaGoof, her son takes after her dad. He got scared, whimpering. MamaGoof’s misfortune was my fortune. All the dumb things I’ve done as a dad – finally MamaGoof did something dumb – leverage for me.

So I took GoofBoy upstairs put him to bed and curled up with him for a while. I told him it was ok to be freaked out. I told him how MamaGoof and I are watching American Horror Story together (a messed up family moves into a haunted house in LA). It is just like MamaGoof and hot spices – what is a bare minimum for her to even notice is my maximum tolerance.

So even though MamaGoof finds American Horror Story more moody then horror – I am waking up at night thinking about it. As I told GoofBoy, I watch every episode thinking, “Just move out of the house! Get a new realtor – run away, do something!”

Then, to take his mind off of it, we discussed which presidents and vice presidents had the funniest names. We narrowed it down to Schuyler Colfax and Calvin Coolidge. We drifted off. We both woke up this morning to nightmares featuring Calvin Coolidge. It fits, he was a loner, a quiet type…