Sunday, November 13, 2011

GoofBoy wonders, Who can stop Hello Kitty?

That GoofGirl has an odd obsession with Hello Kitty is understandable. (She shrieked "My dreams have come true!" when she first saw a commercial for Build-a-Bear featuring Hello Kitty.) Apparently all little girls go through this phase.

But GoofBoy also is obsessed - though not in quite the same way. Years ago, when I was in college my brother was in high school. When I was home on break, my parents would make me ferry him to and from school. I think they resented me sleeping till noon every day while they went to work. He went to a Quaker Friends School - but I got bad vibes from the place. I was convinced that the benign exterior was just a cover and that inside the building the monster Cthulhu lay dreaming. (An earlier bed-time might have served me well.)
GoofBoy has a similar obsession with Hello Kitty, convinced she is a cover for something deeply malign (this Devil Hello Kitty vanquishing the other stuffed animals only confirms his suspicions). So, in honor of the late Bil Keane who used to turn over the Family Circus to little Billy, I am again letting GoofBoy vent in this space. Take it away Little Goof:
What is Hello Kitty? I have no idea what it is but my sister girl is obsessed with Hello Kitty. In my opinion though Hello Kitty is Godzilla in disguise so every Hello Kitty product sent to the USA is a tiny piece of Godzilla. Sadly the Hello Kitty toys in Japan are not Godzilla (mostly because they’ve had enough of him.) Now once every piece of Hello Kitty A.K.A Godzilla is in the U.S it will attack our biggest city New York as a huge furry monster that’s cute, rampaging through New York with a screaming sushi ball. The military will call King Kong to fight this monster but King Kong will flee to the Canada so his brother Sasquatch or Smashquatch will help him destroy the hideously cute Godzilla. But they will not prevail. Godzilla will destroy Sasquatch and King Kong. The United States will, as a last resort, call Aquaman to use his powers to summon whales that can smash their heads on Godzilla. Thus concluding that Hello Kitty is Godzilla and that Aquaman’s whales get at least 1,000,000,000 concussions a day.
You said it little Goof!

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