Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Logarithm of the Flies

Recess was always a bit of Lord of the Flies - I was usually Piggy (I was awkward but could use my glasses to start fires).

But GoofBoy’s recess seems to be getting a lot more dangerous. He regularly comes home reporting things like, “I played goalie and was literally hit, in the groin, 140 times!”

“Buddy, aren’t goalies allowed to use their hands?” I suggest.

I’d like grandkids in a few decades. I have other questions. Recess is only 35 minutes, so how is it possible for one team to get so many shots on goal? Just how bad is the defense?

But I can’t ask them because GoofBoy will think I’m making light of his obviously serious injuries.

I know that there is hyperbole here, but it is tough to know exactly how much. One day he reported being at the bottom of a dog-pile of like “a hundred kids.”

After some questioning, it turned out it was just one kid who, “...was running down a hill, couldn’t stop and fell on me.”

This sounded plausible, if their school was in the Alps and his count was only off by a factor of one hundred. I just need to log everything he says.

Sometimes the injuries are for real – he and Carpool Buddy collided and had a full speed collision. Carpool Buddy is on crutches, GoofBoy limped a bit but was OK. But with Carpool Buddy out of commission, GoofBoy is doing far less running then he needs. This will lead him to play even harder during his brief recess outlet – increasing the likelihood of further injuries.

At the very least I will need to add another power to my logarithm.

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