Monday, January 02, 2017

From the Files of the Galactic Empire Minister for the Environment

I finally saw RogueOne - ehh, if you must know. But being a student of public policy who is fascinated with government operations I always wonder about all the other stuff going on in the Galactic Imperial Government. Since RogueOne featured a lot of planet-scale mayhem, I wondered about the thankless job of Galactic Empire Minister for the Environment (GEME). Here are some notes from their files.

GEME: Lord Vader, building a Death Star takes lots of rare resources, the acquisition of which is having detrimental environmental effects across the galaxy. To avoid this we really need to look at green alternatives to ack, accchhh....

VADER: The Emperor has chosen to prioritize job creation and planet destruction over environmental issues.


GEME: Grand Moff Tarkin, destroying Alderan also destroyed a number of unique species that did not exist anywhere and that we had not taken samples of. In the future you should notify us of what worlds you plan to destroy so we can do an environmental impact study and... ack, ack agggh...


GEME: General Veers, I've been reviewing your assault plans for Hoth. We're very concerned about the heavy treads of the AT-ATs on the surface ice in the fragile tundra environment. Would you consider changing your attack plans maybe to lighter tread vehicles?

VEERS: You would need to ask Lord Vader, I'm sure he can talk to you when he's done with Admiral Ozzel.


GEME: Jabba the Hutt, we have reports that you've been making unauthorized feedings to Sarlacc. Now that's a protected species so you'll need to desist and pay a fine. What's that cage opening? Are you keeping rare monsters as pets?



GEME: Emperor I've looked over the impact of that shield you are generating from Endor. There appears to be a semi-sentient species so extra conditions apply to any project there. Aaaaaa! Force lightning releases toxins into the atmosphere! Aaaaa!

EMPEROR: And now, annoying administrator... you will die.